rolling back prices and standards

Top to bottom: The Muppet Hooker, Mr. Forgotmypants, The Walmart Pimp, and Roz from Monsters Inc.
Like I really needed another reason not to shop at Walmart. The next time you are bored and need a good laugh, visit the site that will not disappoint. peopleofwalmart.com

smells like teen spirit

Lorraine Peterson, I salute you! If I ever write a book, I only hope I can conjure up a name for it with the notoriously faithful charm that you are so gifted with. Your talent is spiritual gold. Pictured above is just one example from the most awesomely titled teen devotional book series ever. Other titles by this author include:

If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?

If The Devil "Made" You Do It...You Blew It! (But It Doesn't Need To Happen Again)

Radical Advice From The Ultimate Wiseguy

How To Get A Life...No Strings Attached

Lord, I Haven't Talked To You Since The Last Crisis, But...

Trying to Get Toothpaste Back into the Tube: Making Choices You Don't Have to Undo

Falling Off Cloud Nine and Other High Places

Dying of Embarrassment--& Living to Tell About It

If You Really Trust Me, Why Can't I Stay Out Later?

Why Isn't God Giving Cash Prizes?

God's An Artist And You're A Masterpiece: The Mind-boggling Science Of An Awesome Creator

sign language

I can't figure out what this is a sign for.
I feel like it's warning me about something...even though warning signs would usually be in yellow or red. Obviously the person is running, but why? Is that supposed to be a door, or a box? I think this is a sign warning you that you are about to run into a sign that leaves you feeling blank.

word up

Ever wish you could bust out some street lingo at the appropriate time but are a little too "Pottery Barn" to pull it off?



Slang Flashcards from KnockKnock use old-fashioned teaching techniques to bring you up to speed. $15 for 60 huge double-sided cards. Study alone or with a friend--then get a load of your bad self!



I recently gave these to a buddy of mine for his birthday and I am proud to report that after only a few weeks his mad skillz are off-the-hook.

stress relief

Just in case you are having a rough day,
here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest
psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your
belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling
in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air
with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily
make out the face of the person you are holding
underwater.

what time is it?

1. A time or selected period during which a defecation occurs.

2. To "go poopy-time" is to have a poopy-time.

"I need to go poopy-time "

"That was a good poopy-time "

And if that wasn't gross enough, there's always the competitor:

freezer burn

Ben & Jerry's just created "Yes Pecan!" ice cream flavor for President Obama.
They then asked people to fill in the blank: For George W. they created "_________".
Here are some of their favorite responses:
Grape Depression
Cluster Fudge
Nut'n Accomplished
Iraqi Road
WireTapioca
Impeach Cobbler
imPeachmint
Good Riddance You Lousy Mthrf..k..r... Swirl
Neocon Politan
RockyRoad to Fascism
The Reese's-cession
Cookie D'oh!
The Housing Crunch
Death by Chocolate... and Torture
Chunky Monkey in Chief
George Bush Doesn't Care About Dark Chocolate
Caramel Preemptive Stripe
I broke the law and am responsible for the deaths of thousands...with nuts

Veni, Vidi, Vomito!

I usually joke with friends about The Olive Garden and make fun of their shiteous take on Italian food by saying "Why go to The Olive Garden and pay them to feed you microwaved pasta when you can do it for free at home?" Seriously, I'll even put it in an SAT equation for y'all:

The Olive Garden : authentic Italian cooking :: Super Mario Bros. : the everyday life of a plumber.

Well, the other day I was pleased to see proof that I am not alone in this culinary disgust I have for TOG. This was featured in the best free newspaper on the planet, The Stranger.

not so fascinating rhythms

I recently was at a party and noticed this book of sheet music on the piano. I immediately felt compelled to open up this bad boy and see what was so 'upbeat' about it. Here is what I found:

Cantina Band John Williams
Theme From New York, New York Fred Ebb, John Kander
Fame Dean Pitchford, Michael Gore
Talk To The Animals Leslie Bricusse
Once Upon A December Lynn Ahrens, Stephen Flaherty
Fascinating Rhythm George Gershwin, Ira Gershwin
Jetsons Main Theme Joseph Barbera, William Hanna,
Scooby Doo Background Music Joseph Barbera, William Hanna,

Uh...besides the last track, what does Scooby-Doo have to do with any of these? And I can just picture living in a house with someone who wants to keep playing the background music to Scooby-Doo as a soundtrack to everything you do like cleaning the gutters, scrubbing the toilet, watching the presidential inauguration, etc.



This sheet music is obviously in the same bizarrely out of touch family as the first one. What better choice to represent a book of "Modern Songs" than a cartoon character from 1948!

or what?

How does one harass the jellyfish anyhow??

Jimmy Wales is psychic!

Wanna see something really ridiculous?

Then click on this

I mean, honestly, who would need to google this......besides me...and the robots?

disturbear

This doll creeps me out. I find I don't really want to refer to it as a teddy bear, because I'm not entirely sure that it is one. It has a belly button and skin tone. I wonder what PETA would think of this doll. I've been watching all episodes of Arrested Development in order and couldn't help but think of Tobias and his term "Nevernude."

the skillz to pay the billz

1989. Wendy's. Employee training video...from hell.



And here's PART 2

think pink!

Thanks to Miss Stapleton in Seattle for sending this in. This is the cutest Breast Cancer Awareness ad I've ever seen!

a funny way to raise money

What's freakier than clowns? Naked ones! In an effort to help raise money for MS, you can purchase a 2009 calendar featuring photos of clowns in the buff. Strange concept connection, but raising money to support research for a disease which still has no cure is always worthwhile. Check out http://www.nakedclowncalendar.com/ for more info.

douchebag phone message

be my Penny Lane

This is just a reminder in case you hadn't noticed the "Follower" feature here at The Randumbot. If you browse off to the right you'll see all kinds of cool stuff, but the coolest of all is the chance to follow this blog. You can show your fanaticism by becoming a groupie and clicking on the "Follow This Blog" link. If you are shy, you can stay anonymous. If you like to wave a lighter back and forth over your head while you read, then that's cool too. Following helps attract more readers to The Randumbot and brings in more traffic and love. So help spread the love and become a groupie. Besides, all the cool kids are doing it.

simply put

Saw this on CWC and it just made my morning.

life on the street

I admit, I am a puppet enthusiast, but this is just odd. If you've ever wanted a glimpse into Elmo's secret life outside of Sesame Street, then behold The Streets Of Sesame--a photo stream by Mark Sebastian (flickr). A quite candid look at the home life of a popular Muppet.

worry-free pet

For those of you who love the idea of having a pet but in reality can barely take care of yourself on a daily basis: Koi Toy light up plastic goldfish with LED and 40 hour battery will float and look fairly realistic from across the room...until it starts glowing color-changing light. $11 from ZGallerie.